Deadwood: Season 1, Episode 11; Jewel’s Boot is Made for Walking

jewels-boot-is-made-for-walking-01-1024 So many good characters on this show. The longer the show goes on even more characters are introduced. But it never feels too overwhelming and each character is very distinct. Even Al’s lackeys, who perform basically the same functions, have their own unique personalities. One of my favorite characters is Jewel, Al’s maid (Geri Jewell). Al criticizes her at every turn, calls her a gimp, half the time does her job for her. Yet he keeps her around. She can keep a close eye on the whores when Al can’t. But Jewel is not some mindless cripple nor is she Simple Jack. She is very sweet, funny, and more than capable of standing up for herself against Al (a feat only Trixie can do). Al treats Jewel like he does everyone else, with vile criticism. Yet she is one of his most loyal followers and he gives her a purpose. Jewel shows some of the good in Al and is a really fun character. She’s an integral part of the show. 2750118481_00ce55a1dc

This episode is also significant because it marks the beginning of the fracturing of Al’s relationships with Cy and with Bullock. Al has always held different beliefs from these two men. But up until now they have managed to get along and set aside their differences for the benefit of the community. But now Cy is slowly making moves against Al, using the incident with Wu from last episode as his excuse and ammunition. And Bullock and Al are faced with each others differing views on the law. Al is pessimistic and believes the law only functions with bribes and serves the interests of those with the most money. But Bullock is optimistic and believes in lawful justice, that the law is inherently good. It’s part of why he objects to a shit-hill being sheriff (although he repeatedly says he does not want the job himself). No physical clash has happened yet, but you can tell that the moment is drawing near.


• Al confides some of his worries and problems to Trixie. She is his only real confidant and their intimate moments together are probably the only times he’s truly honest.

• Jewel visits the Doc because she wants a brace made for her leg since her leg dragging drives Al crazy.

• Merrick is super excited about getting a camera. I actually agree with him for once, that would be really thrilling. But no one else seems to care.

• Charlie and Joanie continue in their awkward friendship.

• Ellsworth is becoming infatuated with Alma, but she is oblivious to anything that doesn’t involve Bullock.

• Alma’s dad is in town!

Bullock and Alma's father (William Russ).
Bullock and Alma’s father (William Russ).

• Andy comes back to Deadwood, but where the fuck is Jane?! She’s been gone two episodes now.

• Al: “What was your purpose at the Doc’s?” Jewel: “I’m knocked up.” You can see Al thinking, “Is she fucking with me? Or is she serious?”

• Al wants Adams to kill the magistrate and make Al’s warrant disappear. This is basically his initiation ritual.

• Alma’s dad seems pretty nice to me. He cares about Alma and is good with Sofia. But Bullock thinks he’s an asshole. I think Bullock is a little right, but I think Alma’s father is coming from a good place.

• Tom: “I’d rather lick a bear’s ass than pay a fine to EB Farnum.” Yeah, I would have to agree.

• Con Stapleton, some random friend of Tom’s, decides he wants to be sheriff. And so he is! This pisses Bullock off immensely even though he keeps reiterating that he does NOT want the job. His Holiness doth protest too much.

Wow, first EB is mayor, now this guy on the left (with the lovely hat) is sheriff?!?! Deadwood is looking like a real fucking paradise!
Wow, first EB is mayor, now this guy on the left (with the lovely hat) is sheriff?!?! Deadwood is looking like a real fucking paradise!

• Cy makes Leon (one of the dope fiends) talk shit about the Chinese people and Al. Cy = the ultimate shit disturber. His blatant racism is another thing that sets him apart from Al.

• Trixie visits Sol at the hardware store, “Want a free fuck?” Yes, Sol DOES want a free fuck. And Bullock walks in at the absolute WORST time. But he makes a good recovery and quickly leaves. It is also interesting that throughout their scandalous encounter Sol tries to kiss Trixie, but she refuses. Until he kisses her anyways.

• The Reverend is seen talking to some bulls in the street about circumcision. He has OFFICIALLY LOST IT. IT IS TOTALLY GONE.

• Al would actually rejoice if Bullock was sheriff, but yet again he refuses.

• Oh shit, Bullock drops the bomb to Al that at that moment Trixie and Sol are screwing. Way to fuck over your friend, Bullock!

• Al is shown out on the porch, listening to the Reverend spew his randomness. And Al is crying. But why? Is it Trixie? Did he think she really liked him and does he now have hurt feelings? Is it the Reverend? Does he remind him of his brother and does he feel sorry for him? Is it the Reverend’s steadfast faith in the face of so much injustice? Is it the fact that Al is OUT of canned peaches?!?! (It’s definitely the last one)

• Alma, Dad, Sofia, and Bullock have dinner and EB is their oh so subtle, eavesdropping waiter.

• Richardson: “May I look Mr. Farnum?” EB: “Yes, when you’ve grown a full head of hair.”

How can EB be so cruel to this man?! He has a beautiful head of hair!
How can EB be so cruel to this man?! He has a beautiful head of hair!

• Sol goes to see Trixie at the Gem, not knowing that Al knows what the fuck is up. Al is predictably a dink, “You pay or she pays.” Sol pays up to spare Trixie. Al repeatedly says it is seven for an ass fuck (though that didn’t happen). For some reason this makes the exchange all the more cruel.

• Alma is quite conscious that she has no say in her fate, that it will be decided by Bullock and her father. It is a very sad scene as she relates this to Sofia.

• “I’ve learned that no matter what people say or how civilized they seem, their passions rule.” Alma’s father has picked up on the vibes between Alma and Bullock. He wants Bullock to be with her, despite Bullock’s marriage. Bullock days fuck no and leaves.

• Eddie is back working for Cy. Cy rejoices. Little does he know Eddie is only there so he can steal from him.

• Al tries to replace Trixie with another whore in one of the stand out scenes from the show. How did Ian McShane not win all the awards for this? Al goes off on one of his soliloquies, at once funny and sad, all while receiving a blow job. He reveals being abandoned by his mother at an orphanage. It is the first real glimpse into his past.

This episode gets 4 out of 5 Hoopleheads.

Instances of:

  • Fuck(er)(ing): 92 (mostly from Al in that last scene)
  • Cocksucker: 7
  • Ass: 2
  • Pussy: 1
  • Shit-hill: 4
  • Ass-fuck: 3

Deadwood: Season 1, Episode 9; No Other Sons or Daughters

The moment E.B. becomes mayor simply because everyone is too shocked to object.
The moment E.B. becomes mayor simply because everyone is too shocked to object.

This episode of Deadwood isn’t terribly exciting. The most significant development is the formation of an ‘informal organization, non-threatening’ that functions like a government. This is so they can be annexed as part of the US. Or something like that. They have a mayor and everything! And who is the mayor? No, it’s not Al or Bullock o even Cy. It’s E.B. Franum. And EB has a great time with the role, getting shit faced and free hand jobs.
This episode gets 3 Hoopleheads out of 5.

This episode's best Al-ism.
This episode’s best Al-ism.

• Al again showcases his strange, awkward way of caring for Trixie. He asks her how her arm is and tell her not to try killing herself again, all while looking out the window. Physically distancing himself, as emotionally he draws near.
• Alma and Bullock put their trust in Ellsworth to look after her property. Ellsworth also gets along quite well with the child, Sofia.
• Jane has a strange way of caring for the Reverend. Basically tells him to man up and see the Doc. All while shouting at him and spewing profanity.
• Joanie is going ahead with opening her own brothel.
• Eddie, Cy’s assistant, seems to be the most sane character these days. He is still horrified by the murder of the kids last episode. He is also quite funny when at the meeting he brings up the issue of women’s rights in camp. Everyone is shocked.
• Charlie and Joanie share one of the more interesting scenes in the episode. They are both insecure. It is awkward and sweet.
• Charlie and his frock coat. Joanie says he looks fine. Jane tells him “I’ve seen you in some stupid fucking outfits in my time, but that one takes the fucking prize.”

• Pears and peaches at the meeting!
• E.B. notes that “taking people’s money is what makes organizations real.”
• Star goes to the Gem to see Trixie. He genuinely seems to like her. But she doesn’t want him to see her there, being a whore. She also doesn’t want Al to see them together, I’m sure.
• The awkward conversation between Cy and Eddie near the end. Is Eddie gay? Is Cy just being an asshole? What the fuck is going on here?! At the least, Cy is becoming more and more worried that he is losing the allegiance of those he counts on most i.e. Eddie and Joanie. They’ve seen his psychotic side and they don’t like it.
• “The direction of this camp makes me sick and it bores the living shit out of me.” So Jane is getting the fuck out of Deadwood. Somehow don’t think that will last long. But she says, “I cannot be a drunk where he [Bill] is buried. And I cannot stay fucking sober.”
• Bullock is the Commissioner of the board of Health. He only takes the position in order to avoid being sheriff.
• Bullock tells Alma he is sending for his wife and son. (Did we know he was married before this episode?) He also drops the bomb that he married his brother’s widow and that the boy is his son’s brother, not his. Bullock married out of duty and to protect them, not for love. I’m sure the second the episode ended Alma swooned with lust.

Instances of:
• Fuck(er)(ing): 75
• Cocksucker: 9
• Hoopleheads: 1

Deadwood: Season 1, Episode 8; Suffer the Little Children

Miles (Greg Cipes) and Flora (Kristen Bell).
Miles (Greg Cipes) and Flora (Kristen Bell).

Deadwood has some of the most brutal, intense scenes that I have ever seen on TV or even in the movies. I’ve seen the whole series once before, but certain events will still make my jaw drop and make me want to cover my eyes. One of those scenes is in this episode involving the kids, Flora (Kristin Bell) and Miles, Cy (Powers Boothe), and Joanie (Kim Dickens). It is extremely brutal physically, but the psychological torment Cy puts Joanie through is equally as horrifying.
This episode of Deadwood offers a really interesting examination of the lives of the women who live there, particularly Joanie, Trixie, and Alma (the Widow). Joanie and Trixie parallel one another quite well. But I think the scene I discussed previously shows that Joanie’s position is worse than that of Trixie. Both women are ruled over by strong, cruel men. They are both ‘whores’ who have a desire to seize control of their lives, yet they are continually oppressed. Both women try to kill themselves this episode as it seems to be the only way for them to escape Deadwood. But when you see the relationship between Trixie and Al you get the sense that there is some kind of love or affection there. When Trixie is gone Al frets over where she is, what she’s doing. He’s a little afraid that she is out of his control, but he also seems worried about her.
Al: Now, what’s she doin’?? She makin’ a point? No grabbin’ at the cunt? Is that what she said to you?
Jewel: No.
Al: I mean, y—you—she told you, right, that I grabbed her. Did-did she have an attitude about it?
Jewel: She didn’t have an attitude she just said her pussy hurt.
Al: Agh. Point’s made with the snatch grabs, okay.
And when Trixie finally comes home to the Gem after her failed suicide attempt Al is not angry. He doesn’t say a word to her. There’s an understanding between the two that does not need to be put into words.

Cy (Powers Boothe) and Joanie (Kim Dickens).
Cy (Powers Boothe) and Joanie (Kim Dickens).

Cy on the other hand does pronounce verbal affection for Joanie. Yet it has a ring of insincerity to it. He says he cares for her, yet he ignores Joanie’s desires and her unhappiness. He wants to control her. And he does control everything about her life. Yet he can’t make her happy or make Joanie want to be with him. By making Joanie kill Flora, Cy commits a cruel act that even Al wouldn’t do. The death of Flora is also the death of Cy and Joanie’s relationship. She wants out. Desperately. There is no understanding between Joanie and Cy. Cy is incapable of truly understanding Joanie.

Alma (Molly Parker) and Trixie (Paula Malcomson).
Alma (Molly Parker) and Trixie (Paula Malcomson).

So while Trixie and Joanie want the hell out of Deadwood, Alma wants to stay there. Quite stupidly. Alma does not seem aware of the dangers in the community, especially for a woman. I guess she has Bullock to protect her. Alma is naïve and self-centered. I can’t stand her or her story line with Bullock. Alma has a life and position that Trixie and Joanie would probably love to have. Yet she is prepared to squander it because she wants to have sex with Bullock.
• Jewel! She should be on the show more often.
• Alma’s decided she’s leaving Deadwood.
• Nope, now Alma’s decided she’s staying.
• Newspaper Dude thinks he might have the small pox. The Doc just tells him he’s fat. Ahahaha.
• Flora: “You geek-looking fuck. Get away from me before I cut your fucking heart out.” Flora was quite a vicious little girl, that’s for sure.
• Flora: “[Joanie] held me in her arms all night like I was a fuckin’ little kid.” Flora is resentful of the kindness Joanie showed her. It seems to make her really hate Joanie.
• So the kids decide to rob the Bella Union. Definitely not a good idea.
• Bullock finds gold on Alma’s property.
• Alma is so bad with the little girl it is hilarious. Trixie and even Jane are much better with her.
• Even Al is giving Dan the side eye over his infatuation with Flora.
• The little is fond of Trixie and reveals her name: Sophia.
• Flora: “Who am I? (Stepping towards Joanie, Joanie backs up with each step) Your little baby? Your little sister? You?” I think Flora is spot on with that last guess.
• Of course the kids fail in there robbery attempt and there is hell to pay i.e. the brutal scene.

This episode gets 4 out of 5 Hoopleheads. It is so exciting, thought-provoking, juicy. And the MVP is by far Kim Dickens, she is incredible here as Joanie.

Instances of:
• Fucking: 70 (that’s a fucking record!)
• Hoopleheads: 2
• Pussy: 3
• Cocksucker: 3
• Cunt: 3

Side note: I recently discovered a website called Deadwood Chronicles which has transcripts of each episode (I used these for some quotes). And I also borrowed a few pictures from there as well.

Deadwood: Season 1, Episode 7; Bullock Returns to the Camp

Oh, it's just Bullock returning to camp (lamest episode title ever).
Oh, it’s just Bullock returning to camp (lamest episode title ever).

There’s one interesting thing I forgot to note about Deadwood’s previous episode, Plague. And that is the absence of Bullock. While the community of Deadwood is banding together to prevent a small pox epidemic, Bullock is off fighting an Indian. If Bullock had been in the camp during the plague dilemma I think there would have been a lot of chaos as opposed to unity. Bullock is an interesting character because at first glance he seems like ‘the good guy,’ someone always trying to do/be right. Yet he creates a lot of problems and tension everywhere he goes.
This episode in which Bullock returns to Deadwood is not one of the best. It’s 2 Hoopleheads out of 5. This episode could also be called “That moment when I forgot Veronica Mars was on Deadwood.” Kristen Bell plays Flora Anderson, a young, orphaned girl that arrives in Deadwood with her brother, Miles. The two seem very sympathetic, innocent children. At least at first. There are brief hints that the two are more cunning and worldly than they first let on. Are they planning on trying to rip off both the Bella Union and the Gem? Can they (or anyone) accomplish such a feat? And survive?

These kids think they can compete with the likes of Al and Cy. Ahahahaha, yeah, right.
These kids think they can compete with the likes of Al and Cy. Ahahahaha, yeah, right.

• Bullock finds Jack McCall, but doesn’t kill him. He instead takes him to Yankerton to be put on trial. An instance of Bullock abiding by the law. Kind of.
• Dan (Al’s henchman) develops a creepy attraction/obsession for Flora. Like, really creepy. Like, killing a man for looking at her creepy. (Funny since Dan looks at her so much).
• So far on Deadwood there has been a funeral every episode. Last time it was the Indian’s. This time it’s Garrett’s (remember him? His death seems like a long time ago).
• I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before, but Jane is a huge source of the show’s profanity. HUGE. More so even than Al.
• Sol Star (Bullock’s business partner) seems to have a thing for Trixie?
Veronica Flora chooses to work at the Bella Union instead of the Gem. Can’t really blame her.
• EB tries to talk business with the Widow during her husband’s funeral. Baaad move EB.
• Alma aka the Widow decides to stay in the camp FOR NO GOOD REASON. She pisses me off. As Trixie says fuck Bullock and get out of Dodge!
• Am I the only one picking up on some lesbian undertones between Veronica Flora and Joanie? It’s almost as creepy as the Dan thing.
• Trixie is quite smart. And logical. She’s one of the only people able to successfully stand up to Al. And maybe grudgingly earn some of his respect. Just a little. Trixie totally owns her decision to go against Al and wean the Widow off dope.
• Bullock has remorse over his conflict with the Indian. “He was trying to live, same as me, and do honor to his friend.” A great, genuine moment from a character that so often tries to hide his feelings.
• Bullock: “Can we have a private talk?”
Al: “Sure we can. Should I be hard?” Ahaha.

• Al eating canned peaches!!!!
• Al starts calling Bullock “your holiness.” Perfection.
• The scene in which Jane and Charlie talk to Bill’s grave is so touching and sad. “Can I tell him some more tomorrow?” *GrabsKleenex*
• Alma acts like a school girl over Bullock. Trixie says everything I would say to her. Okay, maybe not exactly. But we would have the same point.
• Alma gives Trixie the option of leaving town with the little girl. But Trixie refuses. She knows her place in the world. And for all the abuse she suffers, a part of her seems to like being at the Gem with Al.
Instances of:
• Cunt: 2
• Fuck(ing): 49 (That’s a lot of fucking)
• Shit: 3
• Cocksucker: 4
• Titty: 3

Deadwood: Season 1, Episode 5; The Trial of Jack McCall

Jack McCall (Garrett Dillahunt) on trial for Wild Bill Hickock's murder.
Jack McCall (Garrett Dillahunt) on trial for Wild Bill Hickock’s murder.

I’ve come up with a rating system for Deadwood, I think. This episode gets 2 out of 5 Hoopleheads (every time Al says that I laugh). But keep in mind, 2 Hoopleheads for Deadwood is like 8 stars for another show. Deadwood is in a class by itself.
This episode is very slow and melancholic. It is the after math of Wild Bill’s death and everyone is hurting (well not Al or Cy). I think one theme that runs throughout the episode is the value of helping each other and understanding that we are all in this together. Everyone has a part to play in order for the community to function. Sol (John Hawkes) helps Bullock (but he always does that). Jane is nurse once again, this time to small pox (?) ridden Andy. And Trixie, the whore with a heart of gold, decides to help Widow Garrett overcome her addiction to laudanum. And then there’s the Reverend going on about how everyone is a part of each other (or the part of a part of a part as Bullock says).

Also interesting is how it becomes apparent that the Gem and the Bella Union crews somewhat mirror each other. Al and Cy are quite similar, although I think Al has more heart (Al has a heart?!?!). Trixie (Paula Malcomson) and Joanie (Kim Dickens) are the two that are the most similar. At first glance Joanie appears to have more autonomy and power than Trixie (and she also has the advantage of bathing regularly). But Joanie is unable to prevent Andy from being dumped in the woods. And she also needs Cy’s permission to attend Bill’s funeral. The only difference I can see is that Cy has not exerted his power physically over Joanie yet.
• The Widow and Bullock finally meet. She she’s taken with him, but Bullock is aloof.
• Is it bad that I find every interaction between Jewel (the gimp) and Al hilarious? He is so rude to her. But I feel like deep down he actually likes her. Why else would he keep her around?
• I love the Reverend, he is so sweet. And Bullock is so mean to him. I don’t really understand their relationship. Does Bullock hate him because he talks so much? Or is Bullock an atheist or does he have some other issue with religion/God?
• Garrett Dillahunt is great as Jack McCall. He’s hilarious and somehow quite charismatic despite playing such an asshole.
• Apparently “Nebraska pussy” is really good. I didn’t know that was a thing.
• William Sanderson as E.B. is also excellent. I love the scene where he talks to himself.
• Jack cleans up for his trail yet still looks like he’s caked in dirt.
• “You want a blow job while I talk to you?” Oh, that Al, so considerate.
• Bullock has to help bury yet another body. That’s at least one an episode so far.
• Jane is such a wonderful, gentle nurse. “Shut the fuck up!”
• Trixie is supposed to get the Widow hooked on more dope, but instead wants to help her get off it. I foresee a beating from Al coming soon.
• Jack is found “innocent.” He proceeds to get drunk and celebrate.
• But his bubble is broken when Al tells him he better get out of Dodge before he gets murdered.
• “Jack McCall runs from no man,” Jack says as he runs out of the Gem.
• Jane is more comfortable with sick, vulnerable people. Perhaps because she can relate?
• The Reverend is epileptic. People see him have a fit and don’t care. It’s so sad. 
• Of course Bullock wants to chase after Jack and kill him.
• Umm, what was with Joanie’s lesbian scene? It was hot, but…. Why? I don’t get it.

Instances of:
• Fucking: 15
• Cocksuckers: 5
• Cunt: 1
• Pussy: 1