Trailer Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

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I’ve never read any of the Fifty Shades books. I try to be fairly open with what I’m willing to watch, so there’s a chance I would watch the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. But it is hard to get past the perception that the movie will only appeal to a certain demographic, namely middle aged women.
I will admit to being a little curious about the Fifty Shades movie. But wow, this trailer is boring. Maybe if the movie was rated NC 17, maybe if they were really willing to push the envelope this would be an interesting film. But instead it seems they are censoring it and taking the more kinky elements out. Which I can understand, too much sex and kink might just become a porno (although Nymphomaniac is a case against that line of thought).
Anyways, the biggest problem with this movie, which is very evident in the trailer, is that there is a severe lack of a plot. There is nothing going on story wise other than a girl engaging in S&M for the first time. I like films that are character driven and the two characters here (as well as the actors) come off as boring and bland. I don’t want to watch two wet pieces of cardboard get it on, I want to see Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt! I guess the point of the Fifty Shades books is that Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) is plain enough and so underwritten that anyone woman could imagine themselves in her place. But I don’t think that can translate onto the screen very well. Also I guess Christian Grey is supposed to be intimidating and drop dead sexy. But I’m not getting that vibe from Jamie Dornan at all. He is like a limp fish far as I can tell.
“Why are you trying to change me?” “I’m not. You’re the one that’s changing me.” The dialogue is clunky and cheesy. And to make matters worse, this movie is arriving in theaters on Valentine’s Day, 2015.
My say something nice: normally I hate Beyonce, but I really like the music in the trailer.

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